I WAIT

As of this morning, I have a caseworker who has --- three times, on three different dates -- told me that my acceptance letter "is in the mail to you." It means less, every time she says it.

In the meantime, had that been true, even ONCE, the Medicaid computer would show me as covered, and it does NOT. There is no moving forward without insurance coverage, so I am waiting.

As a matter of fact, I have worn the words "I WAIT" on the top of my hand for weeks now -- I re-draw it every day. Whenever we write to our friends in Russia, or Ukraine, to say we are coming, they write back, "We wait." That always makes me laugh, as if sounds to me as if their entire activity, for that time, is waiting. (AND, TRULY, life in Russia IS a lot about waiting...)

So, now I AM waiting. I am waiting for the Medicaid to be on -- REALLY.
I have had a clarifying session at the Dr's, to learn just "where and how much" about the cancer. The upper part of my sternum is involved, and there is a tumor very close to my heart, sitting right on the pericardium (a thin sack that surrounds the heart). "You REALLY need treatment," I am told... as if I can do anything about it.

I don't know if my caseworker is intentionally lying, or doesn't know, or forgot to do some step -- and I can't affect it, either. The entire system is designed to be impenetrable.

Here's my prayer need -- to actually, TRULY, have the Medicaid restored, and for treatment to begin. I need to start beating back that cancer, in the physical. I fight it, in the Spirit, all the time. I have a skilled and creative Oncologist, with a plan to shoot radiation at angles, to target the cancer and protect my heart. At this point, she has to work around the areas of my chest that have already had radiation. Both my oncologists are believers, and I appreciate that.

My neurosurgeon is a believer, too. Also, I have had several scans, most done by the same technician, and, at the last test, I asked the him "Are you a believer?" He straightened up from what he was doing, and asked, "Do you mean in the Lord, Jesus Christ?? I sure am!"

I am blessed by God.

I also know that I am covered by Him. I am in the midst of His Plan for me. I do not know what the Plan involves, but I know where it has taken me, this far. (I KNOW that it is a much better plan, than my own original plan, so I THANK HIM for rescuing me out of that one.)

I know that this Plan continues, into an Eternity with Him. In the time between now and then, it is important -- no, essential -- that I remember the goodness of God, the faithfulness of God, and that I have ready responses to the voices of fear and hopelessness that speak so often, to me.

In the natural, my situation looks pretty bad. But, we know that what we see, in the natural, is just a very small piece of what is really going on! So, I look beyond that -- to the promises I have, that have not yet appeared. I watch the horizon, and I wait on my Dad to cover me, protect me, and move on my behalf. In THAT place, I find peace --- and in the peace, I WAIT.

With much love,
Melanie