I WAIT

As of this morning, I have a caseworker who has --- three times, on three different dates -- told me that my acceptance letter "is in the mail to you." It means less, every time she says it.

In the meantime, had that been true, even ONCE, the Medicaid computer would show me as covered, and it does NOT. There is no moving forward without insurance coverage, so I am waiting.

As a matter of fact, I have worn the words "I WAIT" on the top of my hand for weeks now -- I re-draw it every day. Whenever we write to our friends in Russia, or Ukraine, to say we are coming, they write back, "We wait." That always makes me laugh, as if sounds to me as if their entire activity, for that time, is waiting. (AND, TRULY, life in Russia IS a lot about waiting...)

So, now I AM waiting. I am waiting for the Medicaid to be on -- REALLY.
I have had a clarifying session at the Dr's, to learn just "where and how much" about the cancer. The upper part of my sternum is involved, and there is a tumor very close to my heart, sitting right on the pericardium (a thin sack that surrounds the heart). "You REALLY need treatment," I am told... as if I can do anything about it.

I don't know if my caseworker is intentionally lying, or doesn't know, or forgot to do some step -- and I can't affect it, either. The entire system is designed to be impenetrable.

Here's my prayer need -- to actually, TRULY, have the Medicaid restored, and for treatment to begin. I need to start beating back that cancer, in the physical. I fight it, in the Spirit, all the time. I have a skilled and creative Oncologist, with a plan to shoot radiation at angles, to target the cancer and protect my heart. At this point, she has to work around the areas of my chest that have already had radiation. Both my oncologists are believers, and I appreciate that.

My neurosurgeon is a believer, too. Also, I have had several scans, most done by the same technician, and, at the last test, I asked the him "Are you a believer?" He straightened up from what he was doing, and asked, "Do you mean in the Lord, Jesus Christ?? I sure am!"

I am blessed by God.

I also know that I am covered by Him. I am in the midst of His Plan for me. I do not know what the Plan involves, but I know where it has taken me, this far. (I KNOW that it is a much better plan, than my own original plan, so I THANK HIM for rescuing me out of that one.)

I know that this Plan continues, into an Eternity with Him. In the time between now and then, it is important -- no, essential -- that I remember the goodness of God, the faithfulness of God, and that I have ready responses to the voices of fear and hopelessness that speak so often, to me.

In the natural, my situation looks pretty bad. But, we know that what we see, in the natural, is just a very small piece of what is really going on! So, I look beyond that -- to the promises I have, that have not yet appeared. I watch the horizon, and I wait on my Dad to cover me, protect me, and move on my behalf. In THAT place, I find peace --- and in the peace, I WAIT.

With much love,
Melanie

TROUBLES

In August, I received a letter from my insurance, saying that I must be available for a "phone interview" on a date in September. This would be to "review my status." I phoned my representative, and told her that my oncologist had given me the month of Setember "off treatment" so that I could return to the mission field. I asked "Can we do the interview now?"

The representative said, "No, but don't worry --we can do it in October....no problem."

When we arrived home, in October, I had a letter saying that she had cancelled me out of the system, for "failure to have phone interview." I would have to re-apply for insurance, and wait.

Interesting.....I had been writing the words "I wait" on my hand, everyday, for weeks. I felt it was what I was having to learn. I have a lot of "not yet on the horizon, promises from God," including a promise for healing. When we write to pastors in Ukraine, or Russia, they simply write back, "We wait." It has always made me laugh -- as it sounds to me as if that is now their primary activity! Well, it is now MY primary activity. I wait on the Lord! I wait on Him to move my insurance along. I wait on Him for treatment, and for the strength and grace to get through treatment! I wait on Him, that I may feel better. I wait!

I am not able to go on our next scheduled mission trip -- I will be here, in Indiana, getting treatment, and Dennis will travel alone. (He will go from one set of dear friends to the next -- he will not really ever be alone -- but I will miss him!). I will pray for him everyday, pray for the ministry of every day, and I will wait!

What a blessing that this little trip is 3 weeks long, and not one of our more standard 4-5 month trips! PRAISE GOD!!

I have learned to rest when I need to -- even if it is several times a day. I am learning -- still -- to hang on to God while the winds of trouble swirl around me (I thought I had learned that before, but have you noticed that each succeeding wind seems to blow harder??) "Living things grow...", we learned a long time ago, and growing involves CHALLENGE.

Dennis tells me that "every test is a chance to excel!" and I want to do just that! WHY NOT? What is the option?

Another God-appointed trip to Blandford!

In 2007, we were invited to teach at The Gathering Place, in Blandford Forum, England. The invitation was for October, and I went through a LOT of cancer treatment with the internal promise that "I will be in Blandford, in October...." We did get there, preach, and see lives changed. Hallelujah! Our favorite activity, with some of our favorite friends!

When we returned from that trip, it was to more reports and more treatment. In August of 2008, I had another Gamma Knife brain surgery, and this time I was holding onto "I will be in Blandford in September!"

Following a (surprisingly grueling) session with the Gamma Knife, we did make it back to England, for a very busy 30 days. This trip included several places, and churches, that were new to us, especially in the far southwest.

The part that was not new -- was the goodness and mercy of the Lord! His presence, at each teaching, at each meeting, was rich! With every hour that we were there, another person came for prayer and left knowing Him a little bit better, a little fuller --- or, a LOT better, and a LOT fuller.

He really IS the God of Love. He really DOES know what is going on inside of each of us, and He really WILL bring to us, each, the truth we need to heal our hearts/minds. Once we are finished with a ministry time with a person, we seldom remember what it was all about. But, we DO remember the huge, expressive THANKS of each person who has just heard the Lord, heard the missing puzzle piece of his/her life, and is dancing out, different forever!

We don't ever doubt the value of what we do with the Lord. We always ask Him for more!
He LOVES freedom!

A long time ago, our pastor said to us, "God will do all the work....but you will get the hugs!" Hasn't THAT been true! People are always very excited when we get to their church, but we know it is because HE has come, with us. Our prayers are always that we would reflect Him well, and lead people deeper in to His heart. Because of that heart desire, He is constantly challenging us on our own beliefs, and attitudes, keeping us sharpened and cleansed. This is the kind of experience none of us wants -- to be straightened out, AGAIN -- but the pay-off for going through it is AMAZING. AND, we couldn't do the work that we do, if we were not continually sharpened.

So, "sharpen me, Lord..." it is! Dennis teaches us all to pray, "God, show me where you and I disagree..." God will answer that prayer. He will highlight for us the attitudes/beliefs,vows that are not worthy of Him. It's perhaps essential to understand that He will never agree with us, in our low self-esteem, in our fear, in our doubts about Him, or about our lives. He made us to carry His purposes -- He has placed HIGH value on us -- He has done all the work to redeem our sinful natures -- He has paid the price!

Just before we got to Blandford, we hosted a Weekend Retreat in the Coltswolds area. People who have been working with the More Light inner healing model were invited, along with any who were interested in learning it. The retreat center told us that they "never" allow single individuals to book into their facilities, however, this weekend they had! (It seemed like a surprise to them, too..)

A lone woman wandered into our first session, and we said, "Come in, come in..." She had no idea what we would be talking about, but within 10 minutes of hearing some MoreLight stories, she began to cry. As we were sitting in a large, extended circle, we could all see this. Dennis took the opportunity to ask her about her tears, and to lead her into hearing from the Lord, and getting His perspective -- HIS truth. The most amazing first-hand lesson, for the group!

This woman may not have known why she had booked into this conference center, and the center may not have known why they let her --- and we certainly didn't know God's plans -- but HE DID!! Over the weekend, we all watched her change -- her demeanor, her questions, her comments, and her confidence in her God. Along the way, MANY others at the weekend reached into their hearts for their deepest pain and deepest problems --- to find HE was there, with all the help needed.

On this trip, we drove more little, winding, bumpy, blind-curved roads than ever before! Dennis really dreads the blind-curve roads, with signs posted, saying, "On-coming traffic may be in center of road". It's always good to have a native Brit drive through those one-lane/2 way traffic roads that are bordered, on each side, with a 6 foot high shrub-line!

I'd like to say that I got through this trip well --- I'd LIKE to say that -- but it would be a complete fabrication. I was extremely fatigued for most of it, and stayed in bed a few times, sending Dennis to do the preaching without me. This is not a problem for either of us -- it was merely a disappointment for me. A disappointment that I was going to have to get over -- one more thing to hand over to God.

I discovered a specific lie within my thinking -- which was, "when I am on treatment, I am fighting cancer. The rest of the time, I should be well. I should have energy. I should be able to do what I used to do." (You can laugh, here....I know God did...).

As long as I held onto that lie, I couldn't hear the truth that I needed. Then, one day, as I pondered it anew (always blaming myself -- "should be walking more," "should be getting stronger..."), I heard God say, "Have you considered that your body is fighting hard, anyway, even if you are not..?"

OH! WOW! A new idea, which I had not considered...being busy assigning blame.

This was a blessing for Dennis, who each day would patiently deflect my moaning disappointment in my weakness! What a good break for him!?! (This man, my Univeral Champion Husband, who gets me through....every day and every night. The husband who wakes me up with a cup of tea, and the announcement, "We are BOTH alive today! God has something GOOD for today!")

GOD IS GOOD!! HE IS WORTHY OF PRAISE -- OF ALL OUR PRAISE!!

HE GIVES US LIFE HER ON EARTH -- A TRAINING COURSE, A DRESS-REHEARSAL, A CHANCE TO CHOOSE HIM AND LEARN TO EMBRACE HIM -- AND THEN.....MY GOODNESS....THEN, AN ETERNITY WITH HIM --- IN A PLACE THAT CANCER CANNOT FOLLOW!!!

CELEBRATE WITH ME, THIS LIVING GOD!!!