Bringing It Home...

(sometime in 2008...just found the notes..)


We are having an early morning conversation about death, dying, passing....

Dennis says, "All that we've learned, all that we've become, is not for a future event, is not for a conference, or for a book -- but FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS - that in the moment we face separation, we would have the foundation under us that we have.

I remember a word that my Dad gave me -- TRUST GOD!

Dennis continues, "If we were evaporated TODAY, we still had a wonderful life -- that doesn't change with a cancer diagnosis. 10 years ago, God said to me, "You're not even promised the next breath.."

Melanie: Life seems so sweet, so dear, and I don't want to let go...

Dennis: There won't be a tug for this life -- you're going to see Jesus and go shooting off, like a bullet from a gun.

Melanie: WHAT IF I only had 3 hours? What would we do?

Dennis: Get dressed and go see Jet!

Melanie: What is "doing it well?"

Dennis: To get through it -- to not stop shedding/giving over to God those things that disagree with Him -- sadness, fear, trepidation, loss, doubt....so we can keep our eye on the prize. The cloud of witnesses sees us and cheers us on, because they know that regardless of what we're going through, here, Heaven is worth it! They KNOW the prize!

This was all within the context of a "that's NOT cancer" report. The context has changed -- it IS cancer, and I am flooded with feelings that I didn't expect. The whole thing is a surprise to me, from the diagnosis to my reaction. Dave would say, "What is THAT about?" and I wonder, too.

And, do I yet have a diagnosis? I have a "most probably..." The new report on Wednesday could surprise me, even more. Am I going through an exercise, a test, that will evaporate on Wednesday? Maybe...

Dennis: We will tell them that you need to be back on the mission field by late February.

Autumn joins in : THIS is what defines human existence -- thinking about death. You either do it, or you don't, and that defines you.

Temperature Control

I AM AN ETERNAL SPIRIT --- wrapped in a pretty defective package, the effect of living in a fallen world.

To achieve "comfort," I need ice packs on 4 parts of my body, and a hot water bottle in a 5th place.
If that's not funny, I don't know what is. It makes me laugh & laugh! The endorphins are rising at the rate of a long-distance runner -- and I'm just propped up on the couch!

HERE'S THE REALITY --
This packaging -- my earthly body -- is SO temporary. The same us true of cancer -- a temporary condition in the Universe.

My spirit, which cannot be damaged, or evaporated, is ETERNAL.

PRAISE GOD!!

PS. everything that I learn, and every way that my heart is changed by this experience -- is MINE to KEEP. HaHaHaHaHaHa. The Lord and I will have the last laugh!

PEACE

April '09



It is BEYOND human understanding.

It is OUT THERE.

And, it is AVAILABLE.

CALL the PEACE OF GOD to you!!



HEALING --

It's SUCH a good thing!

BLINDED

March '09

Blinded By Our Own Fears

Our daughter, Autumn, frequently comes over with her son, Jet. They come through the door, both smiling. We are smiling, too, as they (along with husband/son in law, Jacob) are a huge delight for us.

Autumns puts Jet down, and takes his jacket off him. Usually, this is a prelude to a fun time of playing, all of us together. But, sometimes, Jet begins to look worried -- he thinks that perhaps he is being dropped off by Mommy. He looks at his Mom and begins to cry.

He cries BIG CROCODILE TEARS. He is INCONSOLABLE and DISTRESSED. BIG TIME.

NOTHING has happened, yet, but he is wailing as if his life is over. Jet doesn't seem to know that she is there.

His Mom is close by -- we are ALL promising that she is not leaving -- but, in his own head, life is crashing down around him.

He is crying and crying -- nothing has happened yet -- he is just AFRAID of something happening.

The only thing that helps is when she picks him up, and holds him on her hip -- what a safe and comforting hip that is! Nothing bad ever happens when he is on that hip!

How many of us do that to Daddy God? Our fear keeps us from trusting in what is going on. Our fear keeps us from knowing that He is there.

The answer is ALWAYS -- stop listening to fear. If it sounds like fear, feels like fear, tastes like fear -- it is a lie from the enemy. Fear keeps us from hearing the truth that is being spoken, and it keeps us from seeing that God IS WITH US.

HIS HIP IS AVAILABLE.

(Rationalizing fear -- determining that there is a good and practical reason to be afraid -- that is a lesson for another time...but, it remains a denial of the truth --and is always disagreement with God.)

Do I still fight against fear? OH, YEAH. Fear is always serving up another idea to me. My best defense, currently, is to share the scary idea with my husband, who will laugh and say, "NO! Send that away!" A lot of little pains become the basis for an impending death -- which is just not true. God has told me otherwise, and He tells the TRUTH.

The only thing that the enemy can speak are lies. Therefore, I know several ways that I will NOT die -- and the list is growing. Sometimes, all my teeth hurt, as a side-effect of a medication that I am taking. Before all this was confirmed for me (as a side-effect), I thought that I would have to have all of my teeth OUT. Amazingly, I found a way to be in peace on this -- and then learned what it really is. No need to have teeth removed.

I find ways to alleviate the pain, and I laugh at the lie.

HE IS STILL IN CHARGE. HE WILL BE WITH ME -- REGARDLESS OF THE JOURNEY, WHICH WILL CONTINUE ON IN HIM, LONG AFTER THIS TEMPORARY BODY IS GONE.

PRAISE GOD!

Do You Remember?

Jan 09

Do you remember? More importantly, do I??

"Are we preaching a meeting tonight?," I ask for the 3rd time today. I am aware that I've been told 2 times, but I just don't remember the answer...(I have the message to preach inside my head, already...)

"YES," Dennis says, "and then we are sleeping here, and moving on to another city tomorrow, to do 3 meetings in a row."

As he says it, I realize that I have heard it before. I am looking for our written calendar, so I can check it the next time I wonder, and will not have to ask Dennis. I am just praying that I wasn't the last one to have the calendar, and that I have not lost it.

WHOA....is this the slow descent into dementia/ OR, the enemy shooting more arrows?! That question hit hard, and produced tears.

OF COURSE I am still being shot at!

OF COURSE hopelessness is still looking for a way in!

I've got to stop listening to EVERYTHING that is not of God, or about God -- and HOLD FAST to what is true.


WHAT IS TRUE?

I have a Savior, who said, "In this world, you will have troubles, but take heart. I have overcome this world."

So, cancer exists, pain exists, evil exists -- and yet, He is bigger than all of it.

I have a life that is divided between health/cancer treatment, and ministry/traveling.
Not only is He IN both places, with me -- He is OVER both places.

PRAISE GOD!!

Truth and Lies

Aug. 08

I had been told that I was "without spot" on the scans, so I am stunned that I have new cancerous tumors --- AGAIN.

I was just there for "routine follow-up scans," so I expected the same good news. Some call it "denial". I call it hope. In the end, I will out-live cancer. It will not go with me into eternity. It is TEMPORARY.

Appealing to God -- actually crying out like road-kill, I hear Him say, "You have a ferocious enemy."

We are talking about the enemy, satan, who opposes God and therefore, HATES me.

I have realized a couple of things -- complete lies that I have lived in ---

Lie #1 - a belief that I can "get out of this." I'm a good citizen, a friendly and educated person, with high verbal skills. I'm a rule abider. All this adds together to mean that I can and will find a "way out" of this misunderstanding/this sentence/this punishment.

Lie #2 - I have seen what the enemy does, and I have felt protected from it. I don't live "in that kind of neighborhood" -- the one that is full of dangerous characters. I have lived in a "nice neighborhood," where God is the Playground Guard.

(I'm sorry, God. I have missed a major part of this plot -- must have gone to the Ladies Room at the wrong time...)

Dennis and I were recently in Italy, ministering. The city we were in was having a major heat wave that surprised even them -- it was over 100 degrees (F), and there was no relief. In every building, turning on the air conditioning caused all the power to go off. We were all stuck in it -- we were powerless against it -- we were all dripping sweat. There was no door out -- no exit. For all the days that we were there, this heat remained.

Cancer, it turns out, is like that. There is no door out. It's a roller-coaster that doesn't stop. It may slow down for a minute, but it picks up steam soon enough, and I'm hanging on for dear life.

I may have more treatment coming up, and I don't know what it will be like. As if seeing that the roller-coaster is about to climb steeper, and the cart will go through an upside-down loop, I am scared.

I'm thousands of miles away -- in Europe -- and I'm scared? WHAT is that??

I am hearing the whispering of the exact same enemy who invented cancer -- and all disease. Having infliced it upon me, he is now thratening me with sores -- salt in the wound -- he hasn't done enough damage. The enemy says that I have no choices, but I actually have many. I can take the treatment, not take the treatment, or ask for a different treatment.

On the spiritual side, I can block the enemy's words -- keeping God's promises in the forefront of my mind -- I find this easier some days, than others. I frequently need to be reminded of this option.

If I lived in "a nice neighborhood," with God as the playground guard, this cancer would be so unfair. But, I don't live there -- I live in a war zone! It is dangerous here, and I am being pursued by an enemy who wants to destroy me.

There have been some "close calls" that the lord has rescued me out of -- but he has left me here in the war zone (John 14). We are ALL in the war zone. If we understood that, maybe we'd be more united...more helpful. Maybe we'd realize the value of each other -- and the need we really have of each other.

The other choices that I have concern who I am going to be, as I fight cancer. I get to choose to trust God -- and to listen to Him, which does drown out the enemy's voice. In God, and with God, is PEACE, COMFORT, HOPE.

There is no door out, but there is a "door through". The "door through" teaches us things that we could learn no other way. it is a humbling place of weakness, memory loss and dependence.

Sheer and complete dependence -- it turns out -- is a place of rest. It is trying to maintain independence that is difficult.

"Dependence" is the truth -- that is why it has power. We are created beings -- we were never independent of our Creator. "Independence" is a lie -- it has never been true, and never will be true -- and that is why we never find peace there.