What IS a "Good Report" ?

Another 8 weeks in England and Norway -- moving from church to church, from group of friends to groups of friends, from one home to the next -- landed us home early April. The very next day, we were in Indianapolis so that I could have an MRI of my brain and a visit to the neurosurgeon.

THAT report I understood -- all was well -- and the tumor was continuing to shrink. We got to see the progress, presented on a split screen, with the original MRI on one side, and the current MRI on the other. In layman's terms (which probably would make my doctor laugh...) we saw that the tumor originally was about the size of a silver dollar, and is currently about the size of a dime. (For the Brits, think "a little bigger than a 50p, and a little smaller than a 1p. I don't think I know how to convert it to Euros...) THIS WAS A GOOD REPORT! It was the first time there that I did not have to touch my finger to my nose, and walk in a straight line (neuro tests...).

The next week I had a CT scan of the rest of my body, and an appointment with my oncologist, for the results. The report from the CT scan said that the tumors in my body were growing. This meant that the medicine wasn't working and the chemo hadn't worked -- a new treatment plan was needed. My doctor left us, momentarily, to phone the doctor who had written the report.

We looked at each other and took a deep breath. The cancer was not being controlled. Maybe, it wouldn't be controlled. We know how to go through more treatment -- I know how to receive chemo -- we know how to "buckle our seat belts, slap on a Nitro patch and hang on." We knew we had to think further, too.

Dennis took the lead, saying to me, "Melanie, if you only have 6 months left, this is what we will do --- you will tell me where you need to go, and who you need to see one more time, and we'll go. We will not lose ONE MINUTE or ONE DAY of the time we have......AND if you have years ahead -- 20 years -- we will STILL not lose one minute or one day. THAT is how we will live."

By the time my doctor was back, we were decided, resolved, tearful and KNEW that we trusted God in this, as in all things. Neither of us is afraid of Heaven....so we are not afraid of death, either. There are many, many things that I want to do here on Earth, before I leave, but I learned long ago that I can trust God in all things, especially timing.

In her time away from us, my doctor had the scan re-read by a different doctor -- to a much different result. A CT scan doesn't provide a full picture -- it reads "slices". A lymph node may be oval in shape, and the measurement of one will be different depending on whether the scan caught the tip of the node, or the mid-point. The new report did NOT see growth -- it was a good report.

Dennis and I had moved through shock and landed on trust in record time -- moments like this are invaluable for discovering whether what we think we believe really is what we believe! We are grateful for the "pop quiz" (American, for an unexpected exam in school) -- and thanking God for His extravagant goodness and mercy -- to have given us life, to have preserved our lives amidst cancer and heart disease -- and to promise an eternity of WONDER after this life.

My blood work showed a lower than normal "tumor marker." This means that while the tumors exist, the cancer is not "active" (growing). THIS is a GOOD REPORT!

We have learned something new -- to us, anyway. We have expected that amazing moment when all scans are completely clear. Well, they are not! However, they are not worse than they were, either -- and THAT, it turns out, is a GOOD REPORT.

We are both living. We are both waking each morning and having a whole day to use in any way we choose. Today, we are driving to be with friends we love, for a few days -- not to say "Good bye" but to eat and tell stories and laugh, and to buy some baby things for our daughter.

In the next few days, we'll be telling what the Lord has done, and talking about WHO He is -- these are our favorite things. We'll be living in Him -- secure in the shadow of the wing of the Most High God.

Blessings over you, to know HIM!

Just Can't Wait to Get on the Road Again...

"Just can't wait to get on the road, again...." (Willy Nelson)

Early into this cancer battle -- very early -- Neville Green, a pastor in England, wrote and invited us to preach in his church, in October (2006). This was a huge source of hope and encouragement -- it gave me something to put on the calendar, and head towards.

I always tell people who are newly diagnosed with cancer to think of something they REALLY want to do -- and put it on the calendar, for a date far past treatment. "Make that date and that event a goal -- any day that it's a good day, you are moving towards your adventure. If it's a bad day, that doesn't matter -- because you are still moving towards your adventure -- and you don't need to feel well, YET..."

So, preaching in The Gathering Place, in October, became the goal that I was moving towards. By the time October came, we were booked to be in Europe for 9 weeks, ministering in 11 churches in England, and spending 6 days in Finland, ministering in several meetings, there.

Every part of my life headed towards that goal. Chemo treatments were scheduled to be completed in time -- 12 days of radiation of my chest happened -- Dennis and I began short daily walks, to increase my strength. I had been holding onto a verse from Psalm 118 -- "I will live and not die, and I will tell of what the Lord has done" for a full year, and my opportunity was getting closer.

That mission trip was a display of God's goodness. We DID get to "tell of what the Lord has done." His Presence moved with us, in powerful and mighty ways. Hundreds and hundreds of people responded to the call to tell God they were sorry for blaming Him in their difficult circumstances, and hundreds and hundreds of people apologized to Him for being angry with Him for their life circumstances.

We were told, over and over again, that the message He is sending through us has changed people's outlooks, and lives. We were met, after each meeting, with such gratitude for a "message that we can understand, hold onto, and put into place in our lives."

Dennis and I found that after 9 years of teaching on Hope and Fearlessness -- trusting God AND His Plan (even when we don't like it...), we are now preaching out of something so much DEEPER than we ever had before. Previously, we KNEW what we KNEW -- in our hearts and in our minds -- but following the year of cancer battle, that knowledge seems to be seeping out of every pore of our bodies. I don't have the proper language for what I'm trying to say -- I think my little toes and my fingernails pulse with the knowledge of His goodness!

While in England, I was reminded that "according to your Blog....you are still ill..." That's where the memory-loss problems came in -- I was trying to post something new on the Blog, but had "lost" my own password into the file. I am FINALLY back inside the blog!

I am not ill! I am also not cured -- YET!

The scans say that the tumors exist. The blood work says that the tumors are "inactive (not growing)" I will continue to get new scans periodically. (Naively, I thought this was to watch the tumors shrink....but, as it turns out, this is more to see if there are any "new" tumors.... I am scheduled for an MRI of my brain every three months).

Cancer hasn't killed me, yet.....and it hasn't stopped me, either. God did NOT give me a second cancer battle, but He used the fight I had to go through to teach me, stretch me, change me --- and looking back, I wouldn't change ANY of it. What a time we had with HIM!

Later this summer, we will be back on the road again -- and have pure excitement about seeing old friends and meeting new friends, and spending all our time telling"what the Lord has done..". What a way to live!

We will head across the Atlantic again, in June, and be in the Shetland Islands, Northern Ireland and England. In each place, we will be witnesses to the GREAT FAITHFULNESS of God, and we will see Him touch His people.

YEA, GOD!!