Memory? What Memory?

MANY APOLOGIES for the gap in time between the last blog posted and this one! It was out of my hands – really.

I FORGOT THE PASSWORD that lets me post to the Blog. It took several tries and desperate sounding letters to wrestle the password out of the server/provider (I mean, it IS a brain tumor that I am writing about….) but I eventually came up with enough information to regain entrance to the Blog.

I am sorry that it sat, vacant, for months, and I APPRECIATE those of you who have tuned in, again….

MEMORY? WHAT MEMORY??

Short-term memory loss has become an issue. I am becoming familiar with people telling me, “You already told me that…” or, “I already told you that…” and that does not feel good. It feels awful. It feels especially bad when frustration comes with it. If I could scoop up all those heavy sighs, and drop them in the bin, life would be easier.

Jesus has made my life easier so many times – I know He does that. But it’s not always by removing the thing I don’t like that He makes it easier – MOST often, He does it by taking me THROUGH the thing that I don’t like.

If I could fix this, myself, I would. That I don’t remember something means – once more – that I don’t have the power to fix it. Fix it?? I most often can’t remember what it was that didn’t work! Oh, yeah…my memory.

I have been having fun with a particular story – and Dave, our administrator points out that I am remembering the story enough to tell it, over and over again. THAT’S a good thing…My story is this: Dave started a very detailed conversation with me about technical things. I interrupted him, to say, “Dave, it MIGHT be that tomorrow, I’ll say to Dennis, “Dave talked to me about that – and THIS is what he said.”

It is also a possibility that I will say to Dennis, “Dave talked to me about that, and here is part of what he said…I don’t remember the rest.”

It is an EQUAL possibility that I will say to Dennis, “Dave talked to ME!?!?”

Makes me laugh, every time! Why not laugh? I can’t do a thing about it!

But, it’s not “OK” with other people….well, at some point, they will get to make peace with that, themselves. Maybe, the Lord is using my memory loss to surface things in them…frustration, impatience, anger, feeling rejection, etc. Nothing is healed that is not surfaced, first. Do I want them to feel those things? No. Neither does Jesus want them to feel those things – so, perhaps He has set in front of them this memory-challenged friend/loved one, to give them another chance to take those feelings/attitudes to Him.

I certainly have been taking my hurts to Him, AND my frustration at not remembering things. I know that He understands me. I know that He understands what it feels like when people who love me forget for a moment that they love me, and that they are glad that I’m alive – and gasp in exasperation that I have lost an important detail, again!

Fortunately, He never forgets and He always forgives. He is so in love with us – He will use anything in our path to call us to His heart and His purposes. I am returned – continuously – to my complete dependence upon Him. He is who designed and created my mind – and He knows well how to repair it. I will wait on Him, and rest in the comfort of knowing that His plan is a good plan…one for a hope and a future….(can’t remember where to find that scripture……just kidding…it’s on a poster in my bathroom….Jeremiah 29).

HE IS EVERYTHING. I have nothing to fear, because I live in the shadow of the wing of the Most High God.