Hats Are Heavy -- I Am NOT MY HAIR

Hats are heavy, wigs are tight, makeup irritates the acne -- I go bald and draw on eyebrows if I feel like "dressing up..." What this all REALLY does for me is give me permission to go for long walks in my neighborhood, in my pajamas --- it also gives me permission to sit on peoples' lawn furniture when I'm exhausted (no fences here) --- who will chase the bald woman off? You see what I mean? I don't have to get any older to become eccentric!

A few weeks ago, a friend in the neighborhood told me she was reading a book about a woman who was totally paralyzed, and then healed by God. I said that sounded great and I'd love to read it, so when she finished it, she dropped it by. I was very surprised to see the book cover -- BOLDLY saying "PLEASE LOVE ME --- a woman's desperate plea for the miracle of intimacy." I can STILL produce endorphins thinking about the look on Dennis' face when he saw me reading that (!!), whispering, "Melanie......is something missing from your life?? Can I help you?" If I grow any more in love with that man, I may just explode.

We are approaching our 28th anniversary this Nov --- and can chronicle highs and lows and passion and disgust and hopelessness --- working as counselors during the day and needing counselors in the evening -- and the Holy Spirit was always passionate for us, leading us into our own healing and dropping off keys for others' healings. We emerge very different people than we were, filled to overflowing with Him --- and I want to wear a name tag that says "I am not my hair. I'm looking a little rough, but I am passionately loved beyond all reason."

Eight years ago (called "The First Fight") Monica told me that she did not want to see me bald. I thought about whether I could actually pull that off for her, and decided instead to confront the issue for her ---- gave her 1 1/2 hours of the BEST, MOST AMAZING AND ASTOUNDING counseling that there EVER was -- all about change and how unavoidable it is in life, and how learning to live with change is a secret key to everything and how God would help her.... ended by saying, "Tell me what you have heard me say..." to which she replied, "It hurts you that I don't want to see you bald..." STILL makes me laugh -- has anyone EVER heard as clearly and distinctly as she did, that day?

It is so humbling to realize THAT is how clearly God hears me, all the time! I say, "Blah blah blah blah....dear Lord" and He hears, "I am listening to self-pity today, and inviting its words to circle around in my head, and consequently am feeling pretty lousy....” AND HE LOVES ME!! TO OVERFLOWING!! WOW! DOESN'T THAT PUT A DIFFERENT SPIN ON MY DAY!!
I am so grateful for the struggle -- FREE TUITION to the School of Life, Advanced Courses, taught by The ONE, the Creator, the Almighty God. I live in the shadow of the wing of the Most High God --- that's where I live --- doesn't THAT cut through "social standing" ?!?

This Could Be My Last Chance...

Some years ago we read a teaching about dealing with life’s difficult circumstances, and suffering. The author said he believed that when we rise up out of terrible circumstances and choose to praise God, that act moves the Father’s heart to tears.

The author went on to say that once we are in Heaven there won’t be any terrible circumstance, or any suffering. We will finally be removed from any of the difficulties we have known here on earth. In Heaven, we will revel in the Father’s love and Presence – which means that we will no longer have difficulties to rise up out of, or to overcome with Him.

Because His love for us is so great that He freely gives us salvation, we will be a delight to Him. BUT, we will never again be able to touch His heart is that particular way. There will be no more chances to do that. There will be other ways, but never again will we get to do it THAT way.
Thinking through that, I realize that this could be my LAST chance to trust and thank Him through a cancer fight. I want to do it BIG – I want to go on record as having TRUSTED and THANKED Him. I don’t actually want another chance/another cancer fight – I want to understand what Paul said about “suffering well.” I plan to embrace THIS day as a chance to do that.

On THIS day, I will sing and rejoice in having such a BIG God. On this day, I will thank Him for all that is in front of me and for His presence by my side.

Are You Listening To Yourself?

“Life and death is in the power of the tongue.”

I pray to a God who is the Most High, talking to Him and asking Him for help, because HE has the power to change my world and to heal my body. I believe in Him and all that He says, and I trust Him.

I am not without my own power, however. What I speak, or don’t speak, will make a big difference. When people say, “Tell me about your cancer…” I begin the answer with, “Let me assure you – it’s not MINE – it was not invited and it can’t stay. I am fighting it with everything I know.” The same goes for “your tumor”. I am not claiming these things – they are invaders, and are not welcome.

I cringe when I hear people say they’re “not doing well, getting worse, dying…” How many years ago were those studies of what happens if a person’s co-workers, one by one, say, “Are you ok? You don’t look good…”? By the end of the day, the person goes home, headed for bed, because they “don’t feel well…” I thought we all knew that, and laughed at the truth of it – at our own vulnerabilities. If what other people say means so much, and affects us so easily, then what we say about ourselves must have even greater power.

It’s tragic enough when people denigrate themselves and criticize themselves. “I’m stupid,” “I’ll never get there,” “I’ll never accomplish this….” comes out of people’s mouths all the time – and there they are, predicting what will happen (we call it a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’). WHY is this so self-fulfilling? Because even if we aren’t really listening to our own words, our bodies are listening.

God gave us two amazing gifts: The first is the freedom of choice – our will is ours to engage and set. He gave us so much freedom of choice, that we are even able to choose whether we believe He exists, whether we believe that He loves, whether we believe what He says. What a BIG and CONFIDENT God He is!

Having that kind of choice, we also get to choose what attitudes and beliefs we will hold and live by. Each day is a new choice – will we trust? Will we love? Will we forgive? Will we embrace the wonders and opportunities of each new day? Or will we let the situations around us define us? Will we let our circumstances outweigh the good things in the day? Will we punish those around us with upset moods and doubts? Will we try to hold God hostage to our desires, threatening to leave Him if our conditions don’t “improve”? Will we let Him work Truth into our lives and our hearts, by trusting His plan and walking with Him?

These choices are ours, every day. Free will choice is a gift that will set the course of our lives – depending on how we use it. There is no “pass” or “incomplete” in this – there is no waiting until we’ve made up our minds -- our beliefs and attitudes will set the day, and our words about ourselves and our health will be heard by our bodies. The choice is ours. We can speak life, or death – with words that have power.