I am not disconnected from God. He is present in many very real ways. He shows both His faithfulness and His consistency daily – in large things and in small. It doesn’t take much of a look to see His hand around us.
There is purpose in the process that we are living through. I don’t yet know what that purpose is, and I may not know it until Heaven. But, I trust it. I trust His purposes and His Plan.
Biblical people, whom God used and loved, went through extensive experiences of “process” – that were not easy. Abraham was sent off to the unknown, Moses was sent into the desert and then before Pharoah, Mary lived the experiences of an unwed, pregnant teenager. Each was given a word, and entered into a process that would reach deep within them and hold on to their hearts.
I am in a process – a healing process, a refining process – I am fighting cancer and drawing closer into His presence, all at the same time. I am also experiencing victory over fear and discouragement and despair --- and I am in process of standing in Him, in the face of my list of medical appointments. Being sick does not mean that He has left me on my own --- quite the opposite. My calendar and my brain (largely) are cleared and free --- I have lots of time to just sit and talk with Him, to appreciate Him and to worship Him.
For so many days I was capable of nothing more than laying on my bed and doing those things. It may sound pitiful, but what days those were! Once I felt better, and had more energy, then I had to choose --- to remember to choose --- to spend hours like that. Those hours are still precious, but while in them, I hear the temptation of everything else in my life --- and I have to continue to choose Him and His Presence. Purpose – in the process. Learning to live in Him, regardless of what else is surrounding me, or calling me.
The process is much like the process of learning to stay in grace, when anger and resentment are rising up, begging to be chosen. Learning to stay in the place that feeds, sustains and restores. My heart needs it, and my body needs it. Like learning to stay in forgiveness, when injustice swirls. Learning to forgive is a vital and essential tool ---- learning to stay in forgiveness is a different learning curve. It requires a moment-by-moment holding onto the Holy Spirit within us --- it requires Jesus in us, and us aware.
To be aware of His heart is to know how much He loves all the people in our lives – letting Him love them, through us, keeps us connected to His heart. Letting Him reflect through me, and touch others through me, helps in my healing process --- anytime I am open and available to Him, He comes. Whenever He comes, healing is present --- because wherever He is, healing is present. In the same way, whenever I am open and available to Him, I am wrapped in great hope – because wherever He is present, Hope is present.
