LIFE IS GOOD

One of the joys of being stopped still by an illness is rediscovering the wonder of everyday living. I’m seriously into hot steaming bubble baths. I wear my glasses and bring a book, thinking I am going to read. But once I’m in the water, I just want to laze there. I like to feel the heat…as soon as it begins to cool, I put more hot water in. It’s a sensation that I love. And as many times as I do it, it’s wonderful every time.

Last night I spent my entire bath time being grateful for the feeling of hot water. I also love a cool breeze on my face. I used to love standing under a shower and feeling my hair get wet…I’ll look forward to that one again. I love the first cup of tea in the morning, and the last cup of tea at night (English decaffeinated).

Now that the big noise is gone (see previous post) silence is a wonder. Quiet is a wonder. The things that go through your mind in silence are wonderful.

What I am trying to say with this? This is about how wonderful life is. It is not very often that we are able to stop and appreciate every little thing around us. The feeling of hot water. A cup of tea. Rubbing your hands together when they are cold to make them warm. The sun on your head. A gorgeous puffy clouded Indiana sky. Being in the desert and feeling the heat on your skin (the desert is a place where God had a WHOLE bunch of different ideas).

LIFE IS GOOD! This is an important thing to know. It is essential to fighting illness. If we are fighting to hold on to something, that something has to be bigger than the life plans that we have made. It has to be bigger than our job, our house, our income. If we are fighting to hold onto the life force, we need to acknowledge how good life is. I can enjoy and appreciate my friends and their love, whether we’re out exploring the world, or they are gathered around my bed. I’m coming to enjoy having friends sit on the bed with me and I really appreciate those who will.

I am working on learning to enjoy the tea with molasses that I am drinking to increase my iron. Molasses must be an acquired taste. There is a wonderful dessert in England called Sticky Toffee Pudding. When I sipped my first cup of molasses tea, I realized that must molasses be a major ingredient of this dessert. So now my battle plan includes having what I call “Sticky Toffee Pudding Dessert Tea” each afternoon. As I drink it, I remember a particularly wonderful afternoon sitting on the patio of an English restaurant with Edward and Julia eating Sticky Toffee Pudding. The sun was warm, the breeze was blowing, it was spring and the flowers were blooming. It was a real “life is good day”. There was nothing more wonderful about life that day than there is today. Today is a good day, whether I am in bed or not. And tomorrow will be a good day…because LIFE IS GOOD!

The Big Sound...

The Big Sound Is Gone

Those that live with me and near me have known that I have a big sound in my head. It started before Christmas when I would interrupt conversations and say, “DO you guys hear that?” I heard a sound like a helicopter hovering over the house. Or I would say, “Is my voice echoing?” By January, people needed to look right at me so that I could read their lips, because no one spoke as loudly as the Big Sound.

The Big Sound grew and morphed, sometimes it sounded like a low flying crop dusting plane, but mostly it became a riding lawnmower tractor that circled around me night and day. I could not find silence in anything, and I longed for it. (I tried ear plugs, but that just shut me in with the Big Sound.) I watched television in volume levels that could he heard throughout the house.

None of my doctors had any real ideas about the Big Sound. Originally they called it ‘auditory hallucinations’, but we discovered it was an intensification of real sounds around me. The refrigerator hum or the clothes dryer could become the Big Sound. One of my doctors said that the location of the brain tumor was akin to the Captains Bridge on Star Trek – all sounds got filtered and interpreted through there. I told one of my neurologists that I believed that as the tumor went, the sound would go, too. He smiled slightly and said, “Maybe.”

On Sunday, our pastor Gary preached on the healing of God. He talked about all of us needing to be ready vessels, available vessels, asking the Holy Spirit to show us people who needed healing, and then boldly asking if we could pray for them. He and the Holy Spirit were so in concert that halfway through his message I went forward for the prayer line. I was not going to miss this opportunity. I had wonderful prayer, and we headed home. When we got home, there was a neighbor on our front porch – at a different church, from a different pastor, she had heard the same thing. She came home saying, “I am putting my hands on Melanie.” She came in and we had a wonderful prayer time. I felt very encouraged by the way the Word was moving around in my atmosphere, and I knew that someday the sound would be gone.

Monday morning I woke up, puzzled. At first I could not figure out what was different, and then I heard it……SILENCE…..QUIET…..it was so amazing. It was so welcome. And it told me so much about my God. He was with me, He cared about the smaller things, He knew it meant a lot to me to be in silence, and He began joining me in the silence.

YEA GOD!

If That Was the Last Time You Saw Me...

Know that I'm dancing! Know that I'm happy! Know that you will always be in my heart.
Know that I love you - this is easy for me to say, as I am at odds with no one.
Know that I've enjoyed my life - it has been filled with amazing joy and delight. I've found life to be astonishingly beautiful.
Know that the challenges didn't destroy me and the discouragement never lasted.
Know that gratitude has been my key - gratitude and hope and wonder. I hope you won't miss any of it - any of the wonders that surround you.
Know that the end, here, is saturated with peace - I've been close enough to know that.
I'm alive - I'm in life - you'll see me again. We'll talk again. We'll laugh again.

I have complete assurance about where I'm going - it's a trip I've looked forward to, while enjoying life here. Dennis and I have come to really enjoy living in the tension of how wonder-filler life here has been - yet, knowing that someday, one day, we'll be making the ultimate transition from here to there! From wonder to wonder!

I've talked with God - I know Him - He is not an idea - the reality of Him is staggering, breath-taking, life-changing. We took a chance - got outside of the box of "normal" and never regretted a second of it.

Know that I am free-range now! Tethered to nothing but love, dancing with Anna Larkin, Donald Morgan, and Jesus.